So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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