Got a toothbrush?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
