He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
