some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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