If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
