I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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