Moan for me like Helen Keller
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
