I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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