my phone needs a breathalizer
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
