Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
