Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
