my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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