you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
