im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
