Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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