me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
