sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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