god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
