Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
