if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
