when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
