see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
