I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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