tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
