Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
