I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
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I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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