just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
