dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
