if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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