I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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