plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
