rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
