she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
