I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
