Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
