Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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