If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
