then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
