Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
