so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
