dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
