All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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