yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You ate ashes out of my bong
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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