Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
