My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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