So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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