when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
