I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
