I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
