So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
