If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
