I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
