I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
