Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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