these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
