I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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