he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
