i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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