And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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