be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
