can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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