bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
