you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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