You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize