I can tuck mytits in my pants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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