She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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