I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize