thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were trust falling into bushes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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