And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
