i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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