saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
