dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
