I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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