3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
