I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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